We may look forward to getting letters from someone we care about but sometimes, those letters don’t have the best news possible. We might even end up regretting opening one of those letters, as it can bring us to the depths of despair.
Something similar happened in the following joke when a husband wrote his wife a Dear John letter. He wanted to break up with her and he wanted to do so in a cowardly way, by leaving her a note rather than telling her face-to-face.
That wasn’t the funny part but rather, it was the fact that she had a letter to send to him as well. Enjoy this joke and let it be a lesson to all of us at the same time.
Dear wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been terrible.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever! the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
—
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich & Free!